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Current Music:The Airfields-Turning Of The Leaves
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Subject:EVERYONE SHOULD SEE THE MOVIE 'THE GIANT SQUID'!
Time:12:12 pm
Current Mood:giddygiddy

Home sick today...ahh pounding headache. I was really upset that i didn't go to school because we get to pick where we sit in biology, and that's the class I have with the coolest person in the world...ALAN!

So, i think an update is necessary, I need to set myself straight on what's going on. WE ARE NOT DATING. We just like each other a lot...I think our relationship is at dating status right now, we do everyone that a couple does, we just aren't dating. It sucks because since i stayed home today, my mom told me I couldn't do anything the rest of the day, and Alan and I were supposed to go see stomp at MOSI and hang out the rest of the night. omg he is soooooo awesome. it's crazy.

I feel a little guilty though, because for the past week, all i;ve done was hang out with him...Mary's probably feeling a little left out, but it just seems like her and I can't talk like Alan and I do....I make the effort, but we're just so god damn goofy all the time.

Annnyyywayyy, school is going SOOO GOOD. Drama is by far the best class, Luke and I are doing a skit on 'The Doughnut Delivery Boy'. Special guest appearances by Bush, some crazy guy...and...yea, that's about it. World History is kind of hard, but i absolutely LOVE learning about what we learn in there. My English teacher is crazy and ALAN IS SO FUCKING AWESOME. Yea I just can't tell you how cool he is.

Uhh...let me see...not much else is going on...I think we're going to the movies with Lex and Jor tomorrow...gahh i don't like the movies...I want to go to switzerland really bad.

OH OH OH! ALAN AND I ARE GOING TO GO CAMPING! Well, we hope so atleast, if we can convince the parents that we have no romantic interest in each other so they don't tease us like they always did :(. Lol, ok...well...KAZAKISTAN HAS TOO MANY PRISONERS, LOOK IT UP! The situation is horrible. I mean, you have to worry about funds and housing in prisons, and lets face it, there's not very many economically-well-to-do countries in the Middle East, but they have sooo many people commiting crimes, i mean, what the fuck do you do? you have to worry about the safety of the general public...I say they use community service all day, and at night, they bring them back to jail.

OK WELL IT WAS SO GREAT TALKING TO YOU GUYS AGAIN! 

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Time:06:45 pm
There's a lot to write. i really like school so far, i have a ton of people that i know in classes...it's just the people that I don't want, I also have...ahh it's so hard looking at them, seeing the past, remembering them wearing that shirt when you went somewhere, and when they walk by you, that smell that you immediately associate to their house. their room. their bed. seeing them with other girls and wondering if they think she's a better person to be with than you were. i have this hole in my stomach that never goes away and i've never felt like this before and i can't listen to any music because it reminds me of dancing in his house with the stereo blaring...or in the car singing dumb classic rock we would make fun of...or getting home at 2 in the morning in this great euphoric daze and turning on your favorite song to make the night complete. my friends say i'll get over it...and i know i will, i'm strong...i mean, dansir got over goose and tyra got over nick...and they went out with them for about as long as we were together...but still. i just don't want to ever see him again...i just want this pit feeling to be filled with something...anything...as long as it's not there anymore...and i wasn't even in love...omg...how do you guys do it
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Time:11:59 pm
ARE YOU A HYPNOTIST?
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Time:08:05 pm
i can't stand this. i'm breaking down. why does everyone pretend so much. they fucking pretend. they twist things around to make themselves feel better. they tell stories about other people so they forget what a bad person they are. and whoever reads this, i know you do it too. don't fucking say you don't...because you do it too.

i havent talked to a girl all summer long and it might be psychosomatic and whatnot, but i need to. i've lost touch with every single one of my friends this summer and they've been out having fun with their little group, and i hate it when i hear about them all getting together, going out. its like, sometimes i need attention, and i think i've been deprived of that for two months and the more i think about it, the worse i need it. i stayed up til 2 talking to ryan yesterday on my driveway...and its all the same.

nobody's dependable anymore and i dont know whats happening to me. i miss mary so much, she's the only one who ever cared without knowing she wouldnt get something out of it.

everyone needs something in their life to make them feel happy. it might be boyfriends, it might be 'all eyes on you', but i think i just need friends, i just need people to talk to.

i hate that i'm such a hypocrite when it comes to talking to people about relationships. i say stuff that implies they're weak...and then when it happens to me, i break down and start crying. WHERE DID EVERYONE GO?! what the hell is wrong with me and why do i pretend so much?
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Subject:I agree.
Time:09:40 pm
Last night was so great. Mark and I went to Channelside to walk around the 'abundant' number of shops they had to offer. Then at nine, we walked to the second story of a tall building and watchhed fireworks over the ocean inlet. We kept joking that it was so cliche, but in the end, it was really nice. Then we went home and played pool...lmao...

Night before, we just sat around watching the daily show, discussing politics and Robert whats-his-face, the UN hater.

Day before that, shopping.

Day before that, Mark and I went over to Alan's house. Bits of nostalgia kept creeping into my throat from old times with my old buddy. Lol, but that went away and we went home to mark's house. Then eric and julian came over and they all had their guy time..and I was sadly pushed out of the testosterone circle until Julian and I started talking about his car and job.

Mary's coming home soon...about a week...I can't wait. I've been surrounded by guys all summer long and even though I love some benefits(hehe), I can't wait to have girl time and tell her everything that's happened, and I'm dying to hear about her trip.

I guess it's time for some much needed emotional connection between my heart and keyboard...yea...


So...summer is officially winding down to the frail end. It's withered away in perspective, but now I can honestly tell myself that it's almost over.
Time for tenth grade. The homework. The friends. The drama. The three subtleties that make up any 15 year olds life. And as summer ends, I find myself debating the school year and its potentialities. I hate the pressure of being pretty. Even size 1 girls with perfectly symmetrical faces are forced to succumb to this force. It's annoying and I hate it. And my friends... Already, they've shown to me that this year will be different. And I loathe change.
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Current Music:smashmouthbadreligionnofxspoon
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Time:12:45 am
Current Mood:draineddrained
shopping tomorrow.

clothes shopping.

i love myself.

it got on the shirt, we had to tuck it in.

mary comes home in 11 days.

264 hours.

15840 minutes.

950400 seconds.

twice in room, once in back, three times in brick walkway.
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Time:12:44 am

I LOVE YOU, FLORIDA!!!!

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Time:04:51 pm
Ang has been busy, so this monotonous machine-esque robot will take over.

RBF tonight...going with mark, julian, eric, jasmine, steve, amanda...and maybe alicia, i dunno. oh and stevo i think.

been hanging out with mark a lot, and when i'm not with him, i'm at ryan's, hanging with him and john and occasionally richie.

party at travis' was lame, soccer in the pouring rain was fun though...the coldness after we came back in his house however...was not.

mosi's been great cept for the other day when Ang got pwned and started to cry.

leaving in 2 days for mountains...got cd's for the roadtrip ahead...zeppelin and shins...and blink.
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Current Music:crickets
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Subject:/astrongfeelingofaffectionorsexualdesireanditsfulfilment/
Time:10:49 pm
Current Mood:robotic
Life always has a way of working itself out. No matter what happens.

But it's important not to compare yourself to other people, because, people do have better lives than other people. So, life may get very good for you, but your good may not even amount to someones bad.

Contemplating life can take hours at a time, rewiring your philosophy on why fate may or may not exist. Thinking about...it. And I say 'it' as vaguely and ambiguously as 'it' has ever been said. But contemplating life will get you nowhere. You could spend your whole life sitting on a bench in the middle of a bustling metropolis and in the end, you would still have nothing.

Why do we think? Why can't our brains tell us to simply...Eat. Sleep. Breathe.

And why do I have to be falling for him.
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Current Music:9TH SYMPHONY SECOND MOVEMENT OMG BEEEETTTHHOOOVEEEENNNN
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Time:10:37 pm
Current Mood:chipper<<< i hate that word!
no bra on! YES!

life has been good for me lately. i get home everyday and am so tired and hungry, but still manage to talk like a cheerleader. my sister asks if her hair looks messy, and it does, extremely, but i'm so used to telling 4 year olds that their poo-brown rainbow looks like a work of art, that i say 'no, it doesnt look messy at all! you actually look very pretty today! wow, i love that shirt on you!'all in one breath and she looks at me like the interior has been mushed up by an evil capitalist and then reorganized generically to make it seem like nothign happpened in the first place. but, angela conley, something DID happen. Mosi.

I love it there, i love the kids, i used to hate kids, but they follow me like i'm their king and have taken all their money so they have to suck up because there might be one instance where i offer them a measely quarter-piece for a weeks hard labour.

the kids arent the only good thing though. no no no my friends, there are guys. did i say guys? i couldnt have, i must have said BABES! no, not babes, science geeks...but man oh man, science geeks make me so fucking loopy it isnt funny.

first guy: James...he's so funny, i dont know if he's really nice or not because i never rank a guy on niceness. long brown hair and a nice face, he's a bit out of shape though..not like, fat, but could use to drop a few pounds. and for that reason, i think he should cut his hair off cuz it would make him look a lot better.

second guy: potential gayness alert...but not 'PRESS THE FLASHING RED BUTTON, WE'VE GOT A FLAMER!'...it's more like...'i wonder if it was a coincidence his hair was combed perfectly and his shirt matched his eyes....'. Jonathan. I met him today, and we snuck into the main building to see the last 3 seconds of an IMAX after the kids were gone. very cute...tall! 6'4! holy hats on a hamster!...but lovely face and very funny.

third guy: Pink Floyd guy. intriguing...he is the only one i'm afraid to talk to, the rest i've got under control...i dont know what it is about him...he has something...i call him pink floyd guy cuz he had a Wall shirt on. he looks like thom yorke. he is gorgeous...but like...not normal gorgeous...he looks like he would be really bitter chocolate if everyone suddenly turned into an entree or dessert. i think i love him. he gives me looks, i can totally see him when i'm tickling sebastian or playing ping pong with carter.

i'm breaking out. majorly. my boobs are officially now a size D.

i have to go SLEEP!...gosh i love that verb...its by far the most useful of anything besides breathing probably...but more thinking because i would rather think than breath cuz if i could only breath and not think i wouldnt know i wasnt thinking at all and that would suck because i would be living a death. but i know that if i'm thinking then i'm breathing cuz thats usually how it works, and i'm talking within the realm of proven science here so dont get all philisophical on me, you can't touch this!
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