i can't stand this. i'm breaking down. why does everyone pretend so much. they fucking pretend. they twist things around to make themselves feel better. they tell stories about other people so they forget what a bad person they are. and whoever reads this, i know you do it too. don't fucking say you don't...because you do it too.
i havent talked to a girl all summer long and it might be psychosomatic and whatnot, but i need to. i've lost touch with every single one of my friends this summer and they've been out having fun with their little group, and i hate it when i hear about them all getting together, going out. its like, sometimes i need attention, and i think i've been deprived of that for two months and the more i think about it, the worse i need it. i stayed up til 2 talking to ryan yesterday on my driveway...and its all the same.
nobody's dependable anymore and i dont know whats happening to me. i miss mary so much, she's the only one who ever cared without knowing she wouldnt get something out of it.
everyone needs something in their life to make them feel happy. it might be boyfriends, it might be 'all eyes on you', but i think i just need friends, i just need people to talk to.
i hate that i'm such a hypocrite when it comes to talking to people about relationships. i say stuff that implies they're weak...and then when it happens to me, i break down and start crying. WHERE DID EVERYONE GO?! what the hell is wrong with me and why do i pretend so much?
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