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[icon] i can't stand this. i'm breaking down. why does everyone pretend so… - WOW! Condensed human life!
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Time:08:05 pm
i can't stand this. i'm breaking down. why does everyone pretend so much. they fucking pretend. they twist things around to make themselves feel better. they tell stories about other people so they forget what a bad person they are. and whoever reads this, i know you do it too. don't fucking say you don't...because you do it too.

i havent talked to a girl all summer long and it might be psychosomatic and whatnot, but i need to. i've lost touch with every single one of my friends this summer and they've been out having fun with their little group, and i hate it when i hear about them all getting together, going out. its like, sometimes i need attention, and i think i've been deprived of that for two months and the more i think about it, the worse i need it. i stayed up til 2 talking to ryan yesterday on my driveway...and its all the same.

nobody's dependable anymore and i dont know whats happening to me. i miss mary so much, she's the only one who ever cared without knowing she wouldnt get something out of it.

everyone needs something in their life to make them feel happy. it might be boyfriends, it might be 'all eyes on you', but i think i just need friends, i just need people to talk to.

i hate that i'm such a hypocrite when it comes to talking to people about relationships. i say stuff that implies they're weak...and then when it happens to me, i break down and start crying. WHERE DID EVERYONE GO?! what the hell is wrong with me and why do i pretend so much?
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sighs_enigmic
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Time:2005-07-31 09:05 pm (UTC)
Interesting way to come at things. i thought that somewhere in the middle of last year, in fact i wrote a note to miss olzack that said " when did everyone become so fake?" of coarse i never got a reply. I know exactly what you mean with the friends thing, kim is my mary bascally. I miss her dreadfully when shes not around ive also known her since somewhere alittle before 5th and when we are in our bad moods it seems like the day is hell. I cant get a connection with many other people like i can with her, ive tried and the often abuse it or lose touch or idolize others or just bascally take me for granted. A good deal of peers are fake. Maybe it gets better when were older. but i doubt it honestly. you just have to make who you can. id like to say you have me but i bet alot of the time you dont think so, cause i dont call... sometimes i think its to inpersonal. (phone call write more later)
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sighs_enigmic
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Time:2005-08-01 11:25 am (UTC)
okay so now im writing more. i guess this is an attempt to show you that im more than sure im not ever going to lie to you or abuse your freindship or secrets. But im only one person who you sometimes cant reach, and im not mary. and i know this. but i still want to be somewhat there..cause your always gonna feel alone. but you can always call me and ill listen without judging, and if you ask my advice ill give you my best thought opinion that you can use or disgaurd. or if you just want to hear someone talk im pretty good at bantering if youve noticed heh. i guess its not really about the people who are fake..its about the ones that arent.
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